Anyone out there? Anyone listening? Hello? Anything you want to tell me -- or tell someone? Anything you want to know from me? Or about me? I would LOVE to hear from you. It's so nice to know your communications have reached someone. Just say hi? Someone once told me, 'WRITERS WRITE!" But writers also want to know that READERS READ! Thanks! Diane
For many, many years I had an inability to confront life situations and that is why, unfortunately, I wasted a lot of good time 'being bulimic' and then smoking dope.
Before that, I was the model 'girl next door,' Girl Scout and then Prom Queen twice. I earned a four year State Scholarship by exam and then went to college at the University of Illinois and I got my degree at Northwestern. But in spite of 'making the Dean's List,' I learned virtually nothing; my fault.
Then some years later, I got on a motorcycle with an idiot and became a hippie. Those were the most miserable months of my life.
Spending almost 3 years without my kids was my worst mistake.
Not learning how to spot low-toned and destructive people earlier was not smart.
Thinking that everyone else had the answers and knew what they were doing was especially stupid. My own integrity and awareness should have been what guided me through all those years of doubt and mistakes.
But, thanks to the efforts of an amazing man, with clarity and vision and persistence, I began to unravel the questions I had had for a very long time. Then I began to find my own answers and to see that I although I had made many mistakes, I wasn't wrong about many things.
We don't have to have wars and disease and insanity. We don't need to hurt one another and make life harder than it already is. We can be happy. I know. I am.
I have seven grandchildren and they are each amazing to me. I was there for each birth and I want to last a long time to see what they do and if there is any way that I can help.
American Indians and other cultures value their elders and look upon them as wiser because of their years and experiences.
Not in this country.
As I get "older" but feel younger and wiser, I seem to grow more and more invisible to some others.
Check it out. See if you pass by any "older" people today. See if you pay much attention to them or if you barely notice them.
Are they becoming invisible?
I sure wish I had my Grandmother Sarah around right now. She fled Russia in the early 20's, crossed the border into Poland in a wagon keeping three small children quiet, lived in a strange country for a year before they were allowed into the U.S. and then they weren't very well received.
This woman spoke five or six languages and was an expert seamstress and cook/baker. She raised chickens at her home in Wisconsin and grew the most amazing fruits and vegetables there. She canned and preserved and stayed active in various groups well into her late 70's. She taught me many things but she could have taught me so much more.
But she became more and more invisible. Less and less respected and admired.
Sarah Silver, I hope you can hear me now. You were positively amazing and I still love you with all my heart.
Jolie was a stray, about two years old, when she found my daughter's house and wouldn't leave the front stoop. They had a dog and so they didn't feed her but she still wouldn't go away.
No chip, no signs around the neighborhood and no one looking for her. I saw her and despite her low warning growl, I fell in love. She stayed at my daughter's until our house was built and then I brought her home. I told her she was pretty so many times, that her name became "Jolie."
She had probably been mistreated and then just dumped. She made things difficult around here because she bared her teeth or growled and even snapped at friendly hands reaching out to her. She dug under the fence I invested in in a different spot every day. She learned how to get through an electronic fence. But she never left for long. I would find her curled up on our front porch, making no sound but just waiting for the door to open so she could come back in to us.
She followed me from from room to room for over 10 years, often being disturbingly in the way as she tried to figure out which way we were going. She slept right next to my husband's side of the bed every night, but she parked under my desk all day long.
I loved her in spite of everything.
But she got old and had many body problems. Most recently the vet wanted to remove part of her front paw because of an ugly tumor. I just couldn't put her through it. Her hips were giving out causing her to drag her back paw to the point of bleeding -- inside and outside the house. We put a bootie on her.
Sometimes she ran through the house like a puppy, chasing a toy or just acting goofy. Other times I winced watching her back legs slide out from under her.
It was agonizing to watch her age and hurt.
I wished that she would just go to sleep one day and find a brand new happy puppy body. With a wagging tail. It didn't happen and we couldn't watch her get worse.
On Saturday we made a decision and yesterday we had to stop her pain.
But ours isn't gone yet.
Jolie is everywhere around the house and she is nowhere at the same time.
I'm thankful that I have a compassionate and caring family and friends who have made this very rough time easier for us. I love you all. I love you, Jolie.